eScotFree Now and Then

9/8/88
Already 10 at night. Hard to believe I’ve yet had an opportunity to write. It’s all the homework. All of my time is spent on this; although I feel like I’m learning a great deal. I have little else to live for except the knowledge and to attempt to truly feel this knowledge, to get to the depth of the emotions; however, not to blame anyone or even to overtly consider something [black and white] good or bad. I wish to understand and allow the flow of feelings.

A mind with hope, always on the border of another thought and feeling. I wish to blame none or go off on tangents because I see a pretty woman and think I like her, et cetera, on and on to what causes the world its pain or its bordem or its dire need to be somewhere at some time. I’ve gone through many emotions and used a notebook as the friend to write out all my complaints. Now I would like the notebooks for a different type of “friend,” one that listens to ideas and offers a space to fully reflect, a chance to honestly express.

The world is as it is. Even in the Bible there are many incidences which are not always simple to “judge.” Life always seems full complications. A Father takes his daughter-in-law as a prostitute. …

[This was Judah in Genesis 38:16. This offspring was said to be a direct descendent of Jesus according to the Gospel of Matthew. Of course some Christians believe that God, through the Holy Ghost impregnated Mary, the Mother of Jesus.]

Were there plenty of prostitutes around back then? Now look at today, so many girls and boys dress up and try to look attractive. Even I have had concerns to look good, at least to the point where I don’t have to be self conscious. Yet, the need, the time and energy spent to look good! We are potentially insignificant, yet this game goes on and on. Egos and personalities look tangents of power, and the possibility of love. It is life and must be confirmed, in the fact that it is life and this is where we are spending our time. Love is really out there, yet will be directed for the purpose of becoming whole.

Religion can be as the “name” of love. Look at those many Christians where the worship of the Virgin Mary provides love. Yes, she can be the Mother, yet also a symbolic wife where the man works on purifying himself to potentially take a wife – maybe a Christ figure serves as the focus of love. Love, those feelings, how beautiful those feelings, what a great reason for a “first cause.”

I sat and looked at photographs from the India Tantric temple in Khajuraho. My spine and skin shivered. I felt love from looking at the sculptures. They felt real, at least inside and all the times in Egypt when I feel love for Isis, taking her symbolically as my wife, or how I would suckle the milk from her breasts as she is represented as Hathor.

Feelings. I would like to elevate and throw out the frustration of those who require the vanity of experience that surrounds “tangents” of love. I wish to LOVE, to feel this.

For Our Light, Scot Aaron
eScotFree

How can we qualify the precious qualities of life? Some moments seem priceless, as if worth all hard earned possessions. Other times everything is nice and rosy, extremely comfortable in a little world we’ve established for ourselves. Sometimes we get through the hours and days and say, ‘why did we do this?’

Then there is sleep. Typically it’s eight hours, maybe some live on five or six hours a day. Sleep is something we have to do. Then there are those moments and lifestyles where time is compactly filled with activities where there’s hardly any time to think and reflect. Maybe we glance at a television, loose ourselves in a few hours of entertainment or watch disaster on news and consider other humans with extremely different lifestyles.

Wow! Reality appears the same yet so different; however we all want value. Most consider this in terms of money. The making of money most often connects to other people, resulting in the exchange of concrete, tangible items. Some are more into artistic modalities and just survive, considering the preciousness of their creative moments, that might or might not be shared with others.

This thought is on a tick tock of moments. Let them shine. Where are we in the fabric of eternity? On waking up, awakening, I screamed with the tears of humanity. Who else will read this? Where is our human connection? Is this like a dream, a symbol in my stream of consciousness? Here, here and here and there and wherever in consciousness, until a roaring river flows into tides, into great waves of time and space. Yes I see reflected light. Make this moon positive; bring value, FULL MOON guidance with complete awareness to manifest here, now, forever. An eternal perspective exists. Awake the ancestors. Say we are alive too. And God is the WORD. And we share words …

For Our Light, Scot Aaron
eScotFree

[Here is some of the journal entry from September 1, 1988.]

9/1/88 9:00AM
It is good to be back on campus. Yes, I am thankful to share my love and emotional responses with everyone around. I sincerely wish to mature the “spirit” within and perform necessary educational duties. I’ve grown, maybe a thousand years [when in my coma]. This says years are but the realizations within. [Let me realize ancient wisdom.] I’m also thinking about the importance of “falling” to sleep and how to place the “self” in a position to utilize sleep to spiritually develop, connected with our universal picture. I recognize all of this as important and hope that I do not spiritually “fall down” when connecting to other people who avoid spiritual goals. Although this is clear, I need to always love, embody compassion and make sacrifices, if and when necessary.

Class begins and life begins. I’ve met with Thea this morning. She is doing oh so well. I am proud of her. All develops on course. What course, who knows, but I will learn to realize what destiny prepares for myself. [Remember a month ago I almost lost my life.] This concept of human destiny relates to emblematic symbols, as if anthologies within the book of “Earthly Life.” It’s strange the way destiny floats by for all to glimpse, as if hanging balloons from the heart, where some are happy and smiling for all to potentially appreciate. [Yes, share the fulfilling moments!] However, directing priorities within solitude allow inner penetrations whereby to better prepare the unfolding course of destiny. I will look inside and be guided by the feelings, a type of “fate” that surrounds.

Life can manifest continual revivals of realizations, as if feeling our connections to a stream. Who knows the precise size and potential distance of the stream, or exactly the course during an end of a day when emptying into the ocean of consciousness of night (sleep). It seems we share many streams as we all travel through these dimensions of existence, blending, crisscrossing and sometimes tangled. May we recognize what we need to realize in a day, in a night, in a lifetime.

All this seems better written as a poem, maybe something to reflect upon the magnificence of yesterday’s sunset, or combining fruitful insights after reading an article about our solar system. The magnificence of our Sun represent a supreme type of beauty, which can inspire perfection and definitely represents the symbolic nature of life, as if existence is all a reflection in God’s soul. It is as if sunlight is the tip [connecting to the vortex of our atmosphere], with the stratospheric clouds as feathers in wings, assisting rainbow realizations, as we conceive “chairs” for archetypes of energy, for the gods.

[I’ll write some poetic insight now ( 9 -1-06).

Lonely clouds in this sky
you are a pillow for my eyes.
Tears to give back salt of effort,
oh please sooth the fears,
Recognize a brilliant destiny,
that our purpose here is supreme,
like a gift to unwrap day by day.

Let hellos share the thanks.
When I walk around watching,
teardrop flesh is everywhere.
Yes this person forgot to cry
but a child inside wants to let go.
Maybe Father or childhood friends
said only the weak need this release.
Maybe this survival of the fittest
is a mentality that hardens souls
smothering more of our feelings.

Let us recognize our oneness,
how we share a whole Earth.
Reveal each smiles as real,
handshakes and welcoming kisses
as moist as our sincere intentions.

Connect to storehouses of wisdom
within the memories of one another.

I write another full page, starting at 4:10 in the afternoon, then another two pages at 9pm. I discuss my joys of being back in school. Then the difficulties of finding an apartment with a friend from high school. I normally live alone but since I’m using crutches, I require some help, especially with shopping for food. After this I meet with my older brother who is working on a Master’s degree in an aerospace engineering. We discuss getting a Birthday card for our Mother. My brother has strong religious beliefs of his own, and I question that his “beliefs” are judging me.]

… Whatever it takes to learn! Each and everyone of us. Death, injury, pain, happiness, whatever, why must we all be in our own little worlds, wherever they are, we consider that we are right? Since we are “right” we have no problems with what we might think, say or do. These attitudes seems to go for all of us, no matter who we are. Now, how can we all be right? All in one, right!

It almost seems as if the only complete “right” (accompanied with bliss), could occur when reaching what is theoretically called a “black hole.” Extinction? All is apparently gone but ready to start again. So many thoughts revolve through the mind. How can we ever know for sure? We can’t. We have bodies and must accept this fact and conceptualize what we will. We are but a dot on Earth and even less in the vast solar system, and apparently meaningless if we consider the galaxy. We are minute, yet consider ourselves as giants. Yes, myself included, especially when I feel as if I am right and can’t be wrong. We apparently seem to uphold many forms of “truth,” yet is there an absolute we can understand? Is there a feeling? Can the world unite into one? It is confusing. Thankful for birth, how can I ever complain about life. Life please guide me. …

[I continue the page about my brother and listen to some of his marital problems, also wondering about some of his interpretations that fit with the beliefs of his Christian church.]

… What a beautiful Earth. With all of these rich religious traditions we have much to learn. Now that I look in the mirror, yes I do want love, but when I touch myself, it’s like I wish other people can understand like I do.

Friends and family teach the root of love, loving with the heart, connecting with all I have. Here we learn a type of sacrifice, for we are individuals and as individuals share differences, yet must try to connect with the difference and maintain a fullness of love. Even though love is ultimately for the greater “self” we must refrain from a selfish love. Selfish love refers to only giving love when able to receive the love, [if these feelings can even be called love].Wow, I know my Mother showed some pure love, especially during those times when I was ungrateful.

I do not know where I am going with all of this, expect that life provides so much opportunity to learn. The heart, the heart, the heart, please allow me to love and learn. Often I seemed to be selfish, as if needing to survive when apparently all alone. Please allow me to give all that I have and am. Please teach and assist. Please! Please!

For Our Light, Scot Aaron
escotfree.com

Remember brakets [  ] mean writings for the blog.

This is from my daily notebook. Leaving the hospital early to get back to school in Boulder Colorado.

8/31/88 2:30pm

While waiting at the Chicago Airport, I should be able to think of plenty of lofty thoughts, but instead I choose to write about my anger. This is not at any particular person but at myself. I must learn from my errors, especially errors of thought. I “thought” I could get over some of the financial money problems, likely inherited (at least culturally) form my Mother’s side, but instead I find the worries mixed in with desires. This brings conflict.

In a way I wish to complain about my heritage. Funny, because earlier I was talking to my Father and telling him how lucky I am to have great “genes.” Why should I complain? I must overcome these “distractions” and integrate my “higher” self …

5:30pm
I’m extremely sorry to have reported complaints on the prior page. Actually, I am extremely and everlasting grateful. How can I even begin to stress anger focused towards my genetic makeup? Seems like a disastrous way to start this notebook in Chicago. I hope to progress in optimistically. Let me consider methods to tame and if necessary calm my anger, even if some of this extreme disturbance stems from healing the concussion in my frontal lobe.

Well, I’m satisfied to announce that I finished reading “Life After Life” and have learnt a great deal in the short time. This helped me with theories, especially concepts of personality and abstractions. “Seeing the light,” relates to the Sun as if it has personality, on a comprehensible scale. We can see the Sun, imagine the Sun and know it’s somehow appreciated and loved by all living creatures; however, we have deeper degrees of “being” to consider. The book barely discussed beyond the “soul.”

I could almost say that my serious studies of world religions is taking the long road to meditation, whereby I can formulate the best image/s possible to connect with the power that transcends language [or the current available paths]. I have plenty of notes and love to study to learn more. I am waiting to learn more about Tibetan Buddhism and hope to internally integrate this wisdom. Maybe I’m a dreamer, yet I know I have much more to learn to dream more effectively. Obviously the core process deals with LOVE. I do not joke with this. Caring, loving and having compassion for more than the self, actually connects everything to the self. [Yet this needs to be authentic.] One individual can establish an example for many. Let me utilize my visualizations for the most advantageous purposes.

Case in point, as I fly over a city, I can look and mentally conceive of the city and its “spirit.” I picture the religious leaders, students, individuals experimenting on drugs, especially “mind-expanding” drugs, artists, and many connected together within their city. Here I connect with and feel the “spirit.” With this, I then feel love in my heart, especially for all of the good intensions and efforts. I feel and give through the heart, as if connecting one heartbeat to another to another to another. This is like a meditation from an unconscious sense until expanding and connecting all of it through the power of light that provides growth. This continues, as if being lead back into the Sun for the climax. I love to think more and more about the Earth and all experiences on this Earth. With these thoughts I can agree with and highly support realizing perfections. Earth is perfect.

On the way over I did have an opportunity to sit next to a mother and child. I could sense moments where life seems perfect in the reality of the family. What a great method to seriously teach of love, love extending beyond the self to one’s own “flesh and blood.” I can say this from experience, and probably more so when I’m able to create a child, of how a man and woman combine to make one. One is formed from being one, so on and so forth.

The Earth is so beautiful and is a perfect place to develop, to “evolve.” As the saying goes, like Father, like Son. The world evolves. Now, what are we learning. Stars are created. I don’t wish to go overboard, but everywhere we look is a miracle in progress. Although I look around and may complain of the extreme materiality of our current [Western] existence, we have ample opportunity for growth, for realizations.

Integrate and witness history, not as a past, but as the “self.” Watch and observe current reality as expansive realizations of the self. Our connections connect to many more people and objects. Conscious realizations seem to recreate the world, again and again. Some say the Earth takes billions or even trillions of years, but no effort is wasted. It is all precious. Think, at least spiritually, how the Sun absorbs all the planets [as if through gravitational connections]. How beautiful. We are one again. I can barely consider how this would feel. Certainly not as “thought,” but yes a Being.

I will not speculate more than this, i.e. beyond the zone of affirmation. I will pronouce “love” and say thank you WORLD, LIFE, EVERYONE. THANK YOU – tears and laughter are yours. Feel all as one in the lake of existence, as if back to the original, spiritual waters were all is born.

Well, I will consider reality and progress for the self, for an integrated self, for what else does life matter. Each night before sleep, I will go over the day and sincerely seek to connect to the sorrow so I can add love. Let me understand and transform negative emotions, especially if any anger is expressed. From here I’ll consider the world in the solar system and attempt to share heartbeats able to transform negatives in positives. From outside to inside, let me feel the shivers throughout my spine. Please. Thanks will be renewed and extended for further INTEGRATION.

For Our Light, Scot Aaron
eScotFree.com

I just recognized that out of my 5 notebooks here at my office in Europe, one is back 21 years ago and another from 18 years ago in 1988. Moreover I wrote a lot. So I will paraphrase a bit.

I saw the agricultural museum in Chiang Sean, and even tried hitchhiking the next day, just like I wrote. After an hour or so on the road with my backpack, I went back to the guest house and opted for the bus for the next day. That attractive Thai girl that sat at my table, actually appeared to be going in the same direction towards the Northeast and we found ourselves on the same bus. I thought she acted very rude at first… but then…

8/30/85
…She is not very pleasant to be around, in fact she’s a bit nasty to put it bluntly. … She took up my seat with her pack so she expected me to try and convince the ticket taker that there was no room for both of us and our backs. A complete bitch.

There’s more. Reading ahead, I discover she is nice and we actually split the costs on a double room.

Scot Aaron (eScotFree)

I’m holding on right now to “sentences” from the “Left Side” of life. Time rolls around in my brain, asking if we are really the same. We look so similar. Fashion disasters on the sidewalk, music in the ear, “hello, good day” and talk of weather in surface conversations. Or, you and me in a tube, yet beyond the 3 colors in a television screen, let this iris perceive true intentions. Let me understand the trick of truth. What is behind the words and actions Let’s watch how far will our intentions unfold.

Who will read this blog. With this stretch through the “e” waves of the net. Will my goodness plunge into the WEB and bounce towards the light?

I made a made a comment to a friend. Separations between those who know and the other mass seems so clear.  People are becoming aware. Our job as a human is to reach for clarity, to rip the leaves away and stare straight into the Sun. Let consciousness blind us from disgust, the anger of “seemingly” good intensions missing the primary purpose of being human. Blind me with the “sunshine” of the golden rule where this is all I can see. Yes let me be “color blind” to other races, who share slightly different ways of viewing life than my Caucasian heritage. Let me cherish compassion. Let this be my roadmap when my fist of judgment screams “WAKE UP!”

Let me see with an inner eye of feelings. Here I will feel good intentions and give gold stars for forehead, just like an elementary school teacher witnessing effort, growth. Then let me also stand upright and maintain my integrity at all times. We are all examples, especially to children and/or friends.

The Left Side of life observes all the mistakes made from people and groups thinking and influencing others with their RIGHTNESS. Hello, I can write with right and left hands to sense the heart between, so let me do my best to understand intentions. But, for the sake of God and/or consciousness, recognize the human family. Clarity. Bring the new X-ray and Radio wave eyes where we can clearly realize the rights and lefts of history.

(Yes, the high energy photons inspire to unfold the radio weaves our global dreams. Visible light is a brief moment in the spectrum. So let us realize this and learn.)

I started this notebook in the hospital (Scott Air Force Base). Briefly on how I got there. After traveling through Egypt for almost three months, I was in the passenger seat of a car driving along the Red Sea and almost died. This left me in a 13 day coma. My Dad went to Cairo and picked me up. My left foot was crushed, my right leg broken, protruding through the skin, both hips broken, a concussion, internal bleeding etc.

The doctor wanted me to stay at the hospital longer but I didn’t want to miss classes for a whole semester.

8/30/88 9:00AM
Now is the time to write. Today, thank goodness and thank God (which stems from the heart to infinity), that this is my final day at the hospital. I hope to leave tomorrow back to Boulder Colorado. I’m not exactly sure what occurred to the brain in the accident, yet I’m sure I’ll discover more in the upcoming months. Whatever happened did so for the purpose of “being.” I sincerely hope that my condition will enhance the times of my life and throw a light on the events. I hope to open the eyes and not be blind to what happened, happens, and will happen. Time will always tell. Yes she [time] shall encourage.

This is my last day here, then I’m on my way. How truly happy I am and should be to get back to my home. It is valuable. Value. This concerns my life. May my life be filled with significant details. Throw the rest out ‘for the birds,’ at least those who not consider what they “eat.” When I feed I will try to consider exactly what I am being fed [i.e. this concerns my perceptions and understandings].

I had quite a high dose of anger yesterday and then found out [from the doctor] that the brain damage was to my frontal lobe, the lobe primarily responsible for emotions. I’m discovering that my natural ‘highs’ and extreme moments of depression seem changed. This will require an extra effort, i.e. not to get too angry at any one thing. Somehow I must test these emotional adjustments and hope for success. Right now, I’m feeling like there may not be many reasons for positive attitudes. [I’m in physical pain and on crutches.] Yet it is time to move on, forward and within – to reach and try to resolve the core of emotions. May I remember the progress. May I forget nothing from these emotional experiences. Yes, I will succeed and love. Love must dominate! The heart must combine with meaning. My goals must be the focus and still considered a primary responsibility.

To combine the ‘self’ into more than the individual self brings clarity. I know what this takes and must say I this is destiny, at least a hope that I can realize more than just the “smallness” of an individual self. As I’ve said before, everything occurs for a purpose. With this understanding I consider myself a ‘man of destiny.’ [The accident, pain, and hospital stay are for my good, as if destiny.] I’m sure of this. The power has remained with me and I’ll never take advantage of it. I’ll control the emotions and not mix with those whom contribute nothing into our combined human enterprise, “life.” Friends must give to receive the hug, which momentarily combines the two into one. So these are words, but far from my last. Thank you for love and for life!

Note that the brackets [ ] are added words to assist in clarification. Also, when I arose this morning I wrote in my adjacent blog appearing as a great “Now” related to these thoughts and feelings in 1988.

Here I will share my journal from 21 years ago when age 19 backpacking in Northern Thailand.

8/29/85 8:00PM

Well I wanted to start this notebook off with a nice poem, but I have not been inspired to do so. It is time to begin writing again. I am currently in Chiang Saen, not the most interesting town, but good enough for tonight. I thought that the Golden Triangle would be the place to begin this notebook and also for a few days stay; but, it seems that I am not able to learn my lessons as this point. I need to learn to not have any expectations and to just go with the “flow” of events. I realize this point again and again; although too often after the disappointment. For now I must say, ‘Damn, Fuck, or Shit’ and continue existing in a ‘pissed off’ state. What I am referring to is this so-called “Golden Triangle” experience. After paying 60 Baht for a motorcycle ride through mud, I had to walk without my shoes through 200 meters of knee deep mud; then I end up at another “tourist trap,” a small room with an over-priced menu and plenty of mud everywhere.

I did enjoy the walk and now that I think back over the amazingly brief adventure, I realize I create my own problems and discomforts.

Before I even progressed to Northern Thailand and Chiang Mai, an inner feeling told me to make my stay brief and hurry up to reach North-Eastern Thailand where there are few tourists or travelers. I just hope and pray that I am not too late. Too late for what I do not exactly know – I just think like I should get there as quickly as possible.

All in all my stay in Northern Thailand has been a waste of time. This is because I feel like I’m caught in a tourist flow of energy. I have seen little and spent a lot of time planning adventures that I never got to accomplish. It seems the most beneficial portion of my experiences in Northern Thailand had been at Karen’s Coffee Shop; although at the time I felt the food was lousy and everything hadn’t met up to my “expectations.” Now I realize a sense of accomplishment – at least to the degree that I tried to experience everything possible. Well, maybe there will be only a few more pages for Northern Thailand and these experiences will be over.

Okay I will try to resist any “expectations” concerning my adventure in North-East Thailand. I will use the general method of planning to see the area and then try to go with the flow. Actually, I would like to hitchhike from place to place and really get to know the people and also more of the language. I realize hitching a ride will at first produce embarrassed feelings of inadequacy and maybe even shame, but after these absurd feelings pass, I should be able to enjoy the company of fellow Thais. Also, I can save money on the free transportation. I realize that I could be dropped off in the middle of nowhere after dark and with no place to sleep. I plan on again taking it as it comes and testing my ability to survive in the “wild.” As long as I have a supply of mosquito repellent everything should be okay. A little joke. No, but as long as some “being” or something continues to watch over me, all should be okay. May this is a statement only the birds know. It sounds irrational but I believe I’ve been protected in various occasions.

Although I am getting ready to eat dinner, I would like to jot a few words on a dream from last night. I only remember parts. Basically I was traveling in a vast cave that had just recently been opened to the public. This cave was to be a large number of separate caves which had been connected by humans. Now, I was getting on an elevator to proceed underground and I met a girl who seemed quite attractive. I don’t exactly know how it began, but I had my arms around her as we were progressing down to the caves. I remember honestly sharing my feelings, something unusual for myself since I am typically shy around girls. I said, “I think you are getting me a bit horny!”

This girl in the dream was not your perfect “model,” which were seemingly created in many of my dreams, but she was beautiful with long blonde hair and a fairly nice body. As first I was not attracted to her, but as she showed her personality, I realized her beauty was both inside and outside.

I guess she was a bit hungry, so she pressed a “restaurant” button in the elevator. Suddenly we soared sideways at an amazing speed and ended up at a restaurant. …

I will briefly review the dream. The “restaurant” was actually two separate realities in the same space, as if restaurants with two different menus. One family, dressed in T-shirts and sneakers, comes in and gets a coffee shop menu. Then a couple enters with formal dress, given a separate menu. I was sitting with the girl outside the restaurant, as if in a family kitchen. She doesn’t care, just starts eating the meal.

A French waiter in a Tuxedo comes up to me. I speak my few words of French, amounting to that I do not speak much French. I do not even understand what he is saying, except there is a place selling flowers outside and I should buy the girl a flower. Once realizing the expense of these flowers, I take one. Recognizing it was a dream I tought I could take the two roses and not get in trouble. Then I saw a most beautiful red rose, grabbed it, and needed some ferns so it looks like I bought it.

I continue saying that I don’t really know what this dream means, except that maybe I should spend money on a girl if I meet one. Then I start worrying about spending too much money as a budget traveler and that hopefully I could last me until Christmas.

Surprisingly a female sits at the other end of the table. I distract myself, continuing in my notebook with how much I love writing, and what a good release of emotions. At this point I recognize how I do not have to confront my shyness of talking with this pretty girl. I basically eat, have some small talk with the girl and get back to writing. I will continue with the poem and last page of that day, precisely 21 years ago.]

“The Steps of a Man”

The steps of humanity
Seem to pass us by
As if another dying day,
But as a man lifts this veil
He knows he can prevail
By remembering each step before
For life can be an open door
Even as an eagle knows to soar
To reach some new heights
And release a mighty roar.
For all above who have sat
Recognizing directions on a map
Must accept an added shove
Where he can take a step above
And effectively show his love.

It is a little funny that I’m sitting next a female Thai traveler from Chiang Mai. She is quite attractive and I think I like her, but how would I ask her to spend the night with me. In fact, she is sleeping in the room just next door to me, but yet the hop into my room would be too great a venture to consider. I am too shy. I guess this is why I am writing about it at this moment, to release any frustration from not doing as my instincts guide me.

Yes instincts, maybe sexual hormones, definitely different from my conscious rationale. So here she sits and I don’t know how to approach her. Well, I will just write it all down to alleviate my frustrations of sharing what I feel. She is very friendly and says she has a boyfriend from America who was traveling in Thailand, but is now in China. Quite a resemblance to our situation right here, I should say. Well enough is enough. I should quit fantasizing about reality and just keep the fantasies to my dreams.

Since the now of “Now & Then” is meant to provide some poetic, stream of consciousness spice, consider this power of get back to the NOW.

Sunlight perspectives mix water drops and provide rainbows. So, spectra-fy us!

Storms hit and storms pass, yet while the tears build we struggle to realize our crystalline salt. What do we create from moment to moment, from day to day? From new ways to say hello, goodbye, or even surprise.

If I consider a month molecularly building consciousness into cells, I can see follicles grow and mature a particular ovum, that is in the many fertile females from purberty to menopause. For the male I can witness which sperm cell are provide with more strength for resonance of various situations and priorities.

[Come on life, regardless of age, give us all healthy doses from our natural, personalized “follicle stimulating hormones. Hey pituitary in the core of my brain, listen up. We all want healthy hormones. Make our moments productive, even reproductive in the consciousness, subconsciousnes (prince and princess dreams) and unconsciousness of others. We want to feel this! Readers, this is consciousness for you. Feel molecular magic in your own reproductive hormones. Listen up, these hormones connect, molecularly resonate with the key of life, the bliss, the orgasmic peak of moments, potentially verified in the unfolding of precious connections, even a child. So be it. Moments can unfold. So feel this. Share our bliss, our hopes, our dreams and gardens of consciousness. I want me, you, everybody, conscious connections in helium fusions previding sunlight energy. Yes, yes yes, where are we today, wehre are we NOW I see you. You see me. Connect to the poetic power of a Now & Then blog. All of you. This is preciousness in the ceiling, through to attic treasures, exploring hidden closest, the basement cellars with fermentation from our sugars, the vines of what we call a life, or breath to breath connections, ripened. To the wishing well where we release our wish for the future into gold sunlight or silvery reflections. Watch the coin of consciousness turn through the heads and tails of life, the bitter and sweet, positives and negatives twirling through the spiral helixes of who we are as individuals, even with the makeup of personalizes.

Take this breath and dive inside. The heartbeat our saving grace, our most precious gift open upon a locket on our chest, shining with the smiles of our loved ones, of our most precious moments of love growing up to share the love.

Again we go back and forth to day to day in our Now’s or at least what appear to surround our NOW. Build up, break down, flow with tears and rain just like evaporation collects into fluffy dream clouds until ready to explode. Storm upon storm upon Break-fast, let’s eat and try again. A dawn a new hello, another week, another month, another year where we age and say, ‘Life is so brief yet at times seems to take so long and be so difficult that I want to scream and say let me out. Or take me inside the sugars of my good experiences and give me this oxygen in a glass of wine.

How do we practice our artistic form of “release?” How will we build up our milliseconds (like in the films/movies requiring at least 24 frames per second for perpetual vision), to our 60 seconds, hours, days, months, years, even lifetimes. Who is in their “golden years” of life. Give us your ruby wisdom.

We need to understand the taste bud salt, our SALT of Earth experiences. Yes, with the breakdown or tear, we discover the sodium and chlorine of our Salt. Chemically, the chlorine stomach acid, breaking down molecules in our stomach. This hydrochloric acid being one our most power alkalines, meaning we have more positive “+” ions for our fluidity. At times this is on par with our battery acid. Don’t touch it. That’s the bile we occasionally taste when vomiting, unable to digest.

Sorry about getting so technical with this poetic flow, but I love the science of our bodies coupled with life, reality all around us. The sodium relates to lye, pure “soap,” where we connect with more electrons, the negatively charged atoms that bring us the other end of the ph scale. We all require the sodium and chlorine to live. Is essential like breathing and heartbeats. Give the cores of life! All around. Let us love what we have been given. These precious experiences. Now to the Sodium Pump. Every one of cells floats in our sea of sodium, connecting to potassium (19) in the cell for our “Sodium Pump” (look it up) and our personal electricity. So feed our brains. Feed us with life!

Communicate with the self. Communicate here and now. I want your SALT with my salt with the SALT OF CONSCIOUSNESS. Uplift your sodium and potassium here and now. Let’s feel want we can in these Streams of Consciousness. (Hey here is my poem ….)

Okay. Breakthrough the salt of our efforts. Let us do butterfly strokes, float or do backstrokes in the sea. Look, there’s a huge wave. Now body surf. Feel our connection to the whole. OTOH, tradegy seemingly suddenly solidifies another tear. Where is the tear. Let me examine this like Superman or Superwoman as we face krypton in our palace and beg for another step up. … Pretty please, please please please, and when things get easier we’ll request a marinated “cherry on top” of our ice cream Sundays. Give us the cream, and answer our prayers which gets burn the throat cold, or “fall on butt” cold and slippery. Rather, try to buy a ticket, and hope to the chair lift. Yeah, take us to the top our highest mountain, to our Everest. We want the higher perspective. Just make sure we’ve practiced how to breathe in thin air. (flags to Everest, link)

Continuing. What happens when we have less “personalized” oxygen atoms to survive on? We require oxygen or will suffocate. Quickly, quickly, do the automatic animal mantra, generated unseen at the base of our animal brain. Say, ‘give us the 8, the 8, the 8, those positive powerhouse nuclei from oxygen with their neutrons of stability and protons of potential positive productivity. And the 8 electron cloud of where will you go, where will you be, will you build us up to and expansive orbital? Now just make sure we have some electricity. Feel the energies! Ultimately, let us grow to the light, given and taught by the plants provide us with the 8’s of oxygen.’

Here we are. Humans with a developed, masterpiece brain. (image from with parts from free images). When oh when oh when fair fairy in my fairy tale will be able to access the other noble gases? I want additional in’s and out’s. I want fusions. Pure and simple. I want to consciously combine. Give me more atomic mantras, so that I can even penetrate the ethers shared in the subconscious and unconsciousness of all animals. Let’s realize power in the two’s from helium, connecting to the power from our sun, the light all plants and animals require. Ultimately, I want to learn the sweet, powerful dynamics of other individuals, my spiritual brothers and sisters, my family, the profound teachings, even if accessed through the “consciousness” of loins, or eagles, or archetypes of a heavenly father and mother. Here I am, in the moment, as a Father who teaches, or even as a mother offering the bosom, giving the simple sweetness.

Enlighten with the noble gases. Please teach me how to best breathe. Let me be a faithful spouse, a worthy sibling. Teach us how to access the preciousness of helium. The sun gives us energy from the fusion of helium. These are given to every one of us, as if colorful birthday balloons. Let us realize the moment yet be somewhat unattached. If needing to let go, let go. The strings are an sub or un-conscious interdependent web. Realize the strings with your rainbow of celebration. Look some in the city point up. For this moment they affirm freedom. Realize we share “helium” responsibilities being humans supplied by helium energy from our Sun.

Helium, not much is in our natural air, most is in the Sun (about 8% measured on the surface), or in pockets of petro, mixed in as Natural Gas. (Interesting to note that the amount of helium is unique to the particle reserve.) The Sun is our disk, here, as if for our solar plexus of fulfillment, as if a personalized nexus of visible light reflections to feast on life, to ride the rainbows to our source of power. Create and store precious memories.

Let’s go from the you and me 2, to the eighteens of argon. (Seems kind of like I’m growing from me terrible twos to the take responsibility for my brain as an 18 year old adult. But wait, I see a gateway to my youth, when a fiction writer created an Argonites Okay, this actually from Greek Mythology, Jason and the Argonauts. I want these 18 protons, the inert stability right after the poisonous, yet cleansing chlorine (#17). This argon fills the space in incandescent light bulbs. It can take the intense heat. Reality, reality reality. Yes, yes, yes, yes, let us understand how “light bulbs” switch on in every head.

These brains of ours can access global consciousness. Let us praise developments in science and spirituality for us to plug into. Life is so beautiful, even if interdependently painful when realizing the amount of suffering “some of us” cause others. Consider a simple Buddhist mantra (idea). We exist for all sentient beings. Or, just read Genesis, the days of creation offer us a Tree of Life. Let us feast on the Fruits of Earth, moment to moment, day to day ….

This is conclude the NOW blog where poetic streams of consciousness unfold a bit of rain, tears, salt, a breath of oxygen, and noble gases. Of course we could go to #54 and Xenon, that mysterious noble gas, or even consider the radioactive radon (#86) that occurs from the decay of uranium (92) to lead (82). Who knows what the stream of consciousness will provide on my next “Now” Blog. So until then, enjoy reading my “There” notebook/journal entry 21 years ago. I am there now.

Scot Aaron - eScotFree.com

Can you please describe more on this blog, and how it will differ from your other spiritual, cosmological blog? Your Now & Then blog is more poetic right?

Now and then, friend to friend. Peer deep inside a bottomless pool of feelings. Reach for feathers. Lift our hopes and dreams.

This day is another way to say, I live and breathe, to learn and work, to give thoughts, to gain experiences, and ultimately to reflect upon the preciousness of this Earth life, in waking consciousness.

My last blog was from a one month notebook that started on 4 hour train ride to New York City from Washington D.C. I gave away, sold (my car), and packed up all belongings with $3000 cash I saved as a waiter in Georgetown. I planned on buying a ticket to Thailand and explore Asia as a budget traveler. The first page on August 1, 1985 started my independent oversea journey. Because the page begins my journey, I included a slightly rewritten version on page 17 of “Love Your Neighbors? Discover the real world religions.”

I will likely establish additional blogs for my other published books and may somehow incorporate portions of earlier manuscripts.

Briefly, after the major 9-11 (September 11, 2001) event I temporary put down my research and writing on a book meant to discuss the creation of Earth and our Solar System and wrote “Love Your Neighbors.” I thought I could contribute to humanity by sharing some of my valuable experiences in the world religions and hoped to provide clarity on the core of religious conflict. Like many, I hoped and prayed humans could uphold the simple Golden Rule to treat each other with respect. I always ask when will good people, those trying to do good love one another? With my university degree in religion, my global travels, and experiences in the major world religions, I hoped to my “job.” What happened is I read many more books, dynamically increasing my understandings, yet the 3000 paperback copies of “Love Your Neighbors” essentially when nowhere. Books require publicity.

Instead of publicize, I  went back into serious astrophysical research (12-14 hour days) to develop cosmological understandings that became the Milky Way Model Cosmology first presented in “God’s Science.” My other blog, at eScotFree.com/blog “Cosmology = Divinity + Science” will focus on spiritually and science surrounding the Milky Way Model Cosmology. This Now and Then Blog (blog-B) will stay with the title. I might add categories in this blog when presenting my other books. Time will tell.

Right now I will give you the Now and the Then blogs. Now will be poetry so stay tuned and “Then” will be from the entry on today, yet 21 years ago what is happening during travels in Thailand.