Released From the Hospital, with some Frontal Lobe Adjustments (Then, 1988)
I started this notebook in the hospital (Scott Air Force Base). Briefly on how I got there. After traveling through Egypt for almost three months, I was in the passenger seat of a car driving along the Red Sea and almost died. This left me in a 13 day coma. My Dad went to Cairo and picked me up. My left foot was crushed, my right leg broken, protruding through the skin, both hips broken, a concussion, internal bleeding etc.
The doctor wanted me to stay at the hospital longer but I didn’t want to miss classes for a whole semester.
8/30/88 9:00AM
Now is the time to write. Today, thank goodness and thank God (which stems from the heart to infinity), that this is my final day at the hospital. I hope to leave tomorrow back to Boulder Colorado. I’m not exactly sure what occurred to the brain in the accident, yet I’m sure I’ll discover more in the upcoming months. Whatever happened did so for the purpose of “being.” I sincerely hope that my condition will enhance the times of my life and throw a light on the events. I hope to open the eyes and not be blind to what happened, happens, and will happen. Time will always tell. Yes she [time] shall encourage.This is my last day here, then I’m on my way. How truly happy I am and should be to get back to my home. It is valuable. Value. This concerns my life. May my life be filled with significant details. Throw the rest out ‘for the birds,’ at least those who not consider what they “eat.” When I feed I will try to consider exactly what I am being fed [i.e. this concerns my perceptions and understandings].
I had quite a high dose of anger yesterday and then found out [from the doctor] that the brain damage was to my frontal lobe, the lobe primarily responsible for emotions. I’m discovering that my natural ‘highs’ and extreme moments of depression seem changed. This will require an extra effort, i.e. not to get too angry at any one thing. Somehow I must test these emotional adjustments and hope for success. Right now, I’m feeling like there may not be many reasons for positive attitudes. [I’m in physical pain and on crutches.] Yet it is time to move on, forward and within – to reach and try to resolve the core of emotions. May I remember the progress. May I forget nothing from these emotional experiences. Yes, I will succeed and love. Love must dominate! The heart must combine with meaning. My goals must be the focus and still considered a primary responsibility.
To combine the ‘self’ into more than the individual self brings clarity. I know what this takes and must say I this is destiny, at least a hope that I can realize more than just the “smallness” of an individual self. As I’ve said before, everything occurs for a purpose. With this understanding I consider myself a ‘man of destiny.’ [The accident, pain, and hospital stay are for my good, as if destiny.] I’m sure of this. The power has remained with me and I’ll never take advantage of it. I’ll control the emotions and not mix with those whom contribute nothing into our combined human enterprise, “life.” Friends must give to receive the hug, which momentarily combines the two into one. So these are words, but far from my last. Thank you for love and for life!
Note that the brackets [ ] are added words to assist in clarification. Also, when I arose this morning I wrote in my adjacent blog appearing as a great “Now” related to these thoughts and feelings in 1988.