Love Connects Us to So Much More (Then, 1988)
[Here is some of the journal entry from September 1, 1988.]
9/1/88 9:00AM
It is good to be back on campus. Yes, I am thankful to share my love and emotional responses with everyone around. I sincerely wish to mature the “spirit” within and perform necessary educational duties. I’ve grown, maybe a thousand years [when in my coma]. This says years are but the realizations within. [Let me realize ancient wisdom.] I’m also thinking about the importance of “falling” to sleep and how to place the “self” in a position to utilize sleep to spiritually develop, connected with our universal picture. I recognize all of this as important and hope that I do not spiritually “fall down” when connecting to other people who avoid spiritual goals. Although this is clear, I need to always love, embody compassion and make sacrifices, if and when necessary.Class begins and life begins. I’ve met with Thea this morning. She is doing oh so well. I am proud of her. All develops on course. What course, who knows, but I will learn to realize what destiny prepares for myself. [Remember a month ago I almost lost my life.] This concept of human destiny relates to emblematic symbols, as if anthologies within the book of “Earthly Life.” It’s strange the way destiny floats by for all to glimpse, as if hanging balloons from the heart, where some are happy and smiling for all to potentially appreciate. [Yes, share the fulfilling moments!] However, directing priorities within solitude allow inner penetrations whereby to better prepare the unfolding course of destiny. I will look inside and be guided by the feelings, a type of “fate” that surrounds.
Life can manifest continual revivals of realizations, as if feeling our connections to a stream. Who knows the precise size and potential distance of the stream, or exactly the course during an end of a day when emptying into the ocean of consciousness of night (sleep). It seems we share many streams as we all travel through these dimensions of existence, blending, crisscrossing and sometimes tangled. May we recognize what we need to realize in a day, in a night, in a lifetime.
All this seems better written as a poem, maybe something to reflect upon the magnificence of yesterday’s sunset, or combining fruitful insights after reading an article about our solar system. The magnificence of our Sun represent a supreme type of beauty, which can inspire perfection and definitely represents the symbolic nature of life, as if existence is all a reflection in God’s soul. It is as if sunlight is the tip [connecting to the vortex of our atmosphere], with the stratospheric clouds as feathers in wings, assisting rainbow realizations, as we conceive “chairs” for archetypes of energy, for the gods.
[I’ll write some poetic insight now ( 9 -1-06).
Lonely clouds in this sky
you are a pillow for my eyes.
Tears to give back salt of effort,
oh please sooth the fears,
Recognize a brilliant destiny,
that our purpose here is supreme,
like a gift to unwrap day by day.
Let hellos share the thanks.
When I walk around watching,
teardrop flesh is everywhere.
Yes this person forgot to cry
but a child inside wants to let go.
Maybe Father or childhood friends
said only the weak need this release.
Maybe this survival of the fittest
is a mentality that hardens souls
smothering more of our feelings.
Let us recognize our oneness,
how we share a whole Earth.
Reveal each smiles as real,
handshakes and welcoming kisses
as moist as our sincere intentions.
Connect to storehouses of wisdom
within the memories of one another.
I write another full page, starting at 4:10 in the afternoon, then another two pages at 9pm. I discuss my joys of being back in school. Then the difficulties of finding an apartment with a friend from high school. I normally live alone but since I’m using crutches, I require some help, especially with shopping for food. After this I meet with my older brother who is working on a Master’s degree in an aerospace engineering. We discuss getting a Birthday card for our Mother. My brother has strong religious beliefs of his own, and I question that his “beliefs” are judging me.]
… Whatever it takes to learn! Each and everyone of us. Death, injury, pain, happiness, whatever, why must we all be in our own little worlds, wherever they are, we consider that we are right? Since we are “right” we have no problems with what we might think, say or do. These attitudes seems to go for all of us, no matter who we are. Now, how can we all be right? All in one, right!
It almost seems as if the only complete “right” (accompanied with bliss), could occur when reaching what is theoretically called a “black hole.” Extinction? All is apparently gone but ready to start again. So many thoughts revolve through the mind. How can we ever know for sure? We can’t. We have bodies and must accept this fact and conceptualize what we will. We are but a dot on Earth and even less in the vast solar system, and apparently meaningless if we consider the galaxy. We are minute, yet consider ourselves as giants. Yes, myself included, especially when I feel as if I am right and can’t be wrong. We apparently seem to uphold many forms of “truth,” yet is there an absolute we can understand? Is there a feeling? Can the world unite into one? It is confusing. Thankful for birth, how can I ever complain about life. Life please guide me. …
[I continue the page about my brother and listen to some of his marital problems, also wondering about some of his interpretations that fit with the beliefs of his Christian church.]
… What a beautiful Earth. With all of these rich religious traditions we have much to learn. Now that I look in the mirror, yes I do want love, but when I touch myself, it’s like I wish other people can understand like I do.
Friends and family teach the root of love, loving with the heart, connecting with all I have. Here we learn a type of sacrifice, for we are individuals and as individuals share differences, yet must try to connect with the difference and maintain a fullness of love. Even though love is ultimately for the greater “self” we must refrain from a selfish love. Selfish love refers to only giving love when able to receive the love, [if these feelings can even be called love].Wow, I know my Mother showed some pure love, especially during those times when I was ungrateful.
I do not know where I am going with all of this, expect that life provides so much opportunity to learn. The heart, the heart, the heart, please allow me to love and learn. Often I seemed to be selfish, as if needing to survive when apparently all alone. Please allow me to give all that I have and am. Please teach and assist. Please! Please!
For Our Light, Scot Aaron
escotfree.com
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